Sunday Scribbling: Brave

I think 2 things are very brave*. (1) Marriage and (2) Not settling.

Yes, another post about being married.  As our 1st Anniversary approaches, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it really means to be married and how much I love it and the things I don’t like.

Choosing to permanently tolerate the worst of someone because you love their best is a brave decision.  Key word: permanently.  I heard someone say once that for “better or for worse” doesn’t mean “for better or until someone screws up” (maybe I even made that one up!).  I knew what I was getting into when I got married and even in Year 1, there were some times I wouldn’t have minded a do-over with someone new.  But backing out when it’s not pretty isn’t brave… it’s completely the opposite.  Forging ahead together when life is ugly is just as brave to me, as something cliche like being a solider or firefighter.   They don’t get to pick and choose the “good” parts of their job, why should a couple (or one of them) get to choose only the “good” parts to stick around for?

The other side of that is choosing not to settle for just anyone.  Dating doesn’t have to be a super serious venture all the time.  Even in adulthood, I don’t think it’s necessary to foresee possible marriage with every single person you go out with.  But it’s definitely cowardice to be with someone just because they make your life less lonely.  No one NEEDS someone else to be a whole person.  We are all whole people, alone.  The brave choice is to be single until someone worth your time comes along.  They are the one that should take up your time&energy.  Time&energy shouldn’t be wasted on someone you will obviously never have a future with (either because you know you won’t want to, or because it doesn’t look promising).  Being brave and not settling could apply to anything, really.  But in today’s economy I’m not going to say that you should hold out for a dream job when McDonald’s wants to hire you.  Use your head people!

Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.

Ruth 1:16-17

*This idea has been sparked by:

5 Replies to “Sunday Scribbling: Brave”

  1. I know my relationship always makes me think of the song “Not Myself” by John Mayer. If you’ve never heard it you need to. I love his music about relationships, and I know a lot of people like to hate on him, but he so hits it right on sometimes. I just think with all the worrying and stressing and freaking out I do over things, the bear never goes away.

  2. I love your attitude about marriage and life. You tell it like it is or like it “should be”. However, the highest percentage of people never become whole themselves before the decide to pick their mate. Then they discover they didn’t pick to well.

    1. Thank you! I agree that most people don’t have themselves figured out before they decide to marry. But isn’t the point of growing old with someone to also grow personally with them? Both people will change over time either as a young couple or if that had waited 10 more years. It’s choosing to love each other no matter how you change that’s important, I think.

  3. I just revisited a forum discussion from a while ago – one where a woman was asking for advice on how to fix her marriage (her husband had a lot of serious issues). One woman (married with kids) chimed in that when you get married you “lose some of yourself.”

    I don’t understand that mentality. If you feel you’re giving up part of you that you like, why on earth are you getting married to this person? I always hear so many comments from people about how life ends as soon as you say “I do.” If that’s the way you feel, you’re with the wrong person.

    My life only improved after I got married. Yeah, things were really hard for us at first financially but we had each other to lean on through it and now things are vastly improved in that department. I don’t feel like I lost part of my identity, or that my life was over – far from it.

    RE: Settling – way too many people do that these days. I think largely due to the fact that no one takes marriage seriously anymore. Few people view it as the lifelong commitment that it is. I’ve heard so many people lately comment on how marriage has no meaning, what’s the point, etc etc. I think with all this discussion of gay marriage, people have been criticizing the concept of marriage even further. And it’s hard to blame them – when something like 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce these days, why SHOULD people take it seriously? It’s just sad.

    Anyway, I’m done rambling.

    1. I agree (obviously since I just posted about it lol) – my life improved when I got married, too. Maybe we’ll be the new generation with the life-long marriage mentality that people like our grandparents had.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *